'In the Picture' Fantasies
A Midsummer Night’s Scream
A Midsummer Night’s Scream
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WOLFY
A BIG BAD WOLF
Wherever he is, be sure to hide your grandmother!
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Annie Get Your Gun
Betty Hutton
Betty Hutton
Take 30
‘All the World’s a Stage’
‘All the World’s a Stage’
Set: WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S HOUSE –
STRATFORD UPON AVON
Grandma Annie entered the house wearing her usual ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ gear: A wide brimmed cowboy hat sat on her shoulder length white hair. Her clothing a tunic indented with gleaming silver studs, her trousers tucked into calf-high leather boots. Around her hips a holster with a pocket either side of her hips from which peeped a shiny gun.
Wolfy, the big bad wolf, a.k.a. the grandmother-gobbler from the story, ‘Red Riding Hood,’ followed Grandma Annie into the house.
Shakespeare was sitting at a large desk busily writing with a quill.
‘Hello, William Shakespeare! I’m Grandma Annie and I have a favour to ask of you.’
‘Annie hath a way,’* Shakespeare responded with a twinkle in his eye.
‘Did the story of little Red Riding Hood and the big bad wolf, exist in your time?’
‘Yes! It’s a legendary tale.’
‘Being that I’m a grandmother, I prevail on this wolf to change his spots – his rapacious attitude towards grandmothers.’
Wolfy growled. ‘Yeah! She never stops bugging me.’
Grandma Annie gushed, ‘Oh, William, could you possibly write your version of that tale?’
Shakespeare quoted from his drama, ‘As You Like It.’:
Set: GLOBE THEATRE
Posted up:
On Stage
Scene: COUNTRY LANE
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping along with a basket held over her arm.
Wolfy, the big bad wolf was darting in and out of the trees bordering the lane stalking the little girl. Catching up with her he simpered. ‘O, thou pretty little maid, to where dost thou journey?’
‘To visit my grandmamma in her cottage yonder.’
‘May I carry thou basket?’
‘O, kind one thou mayest, it hangs heavily on my small arm.’
‘What dost thou carry in thy basket little maid?’
‘A bottle of ruby red wine for my grandmamma’s natal day.’
William Shakespeare arrived on the scene:
He said morosely. ‘Oh, thou little maid of pretty countenance, heed thou not this wolf.’
‘Heed thou not this heeder, sweet child,’ growled Wolfy. ‘I art a noble gentleman.’
Shakespeare snapped, ‘Thou art no noble gentleman!’
‘One WOLF in its time plays many parts.’ Wolfy retaliated grinning.
Set: GRANDMOTHER’S COTTAGE
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage followed by Wolfy.
Grandmother was lying in bed wearing a white floppy mobcap and a white frilly nightdress, her face skeletal.
The little girl greeted her. ‘O, dearest Grandmamma, I bring thou from mama a bottle of ruby red wine to celebrate thou natal day.’
Grandmamma’s skeletal hand grabbed the bottle from Red Riding Hood’s basket and with astonishing strength she pulled the cork from the bottle then put it to her lips and gurgled down the wine non-stop.
‘Hold still thou drinking!’ snarled Wolfy. ‘I relish not the grandmamma that has belly filled with wine.’
She stopped drinking and gurgled. ‘Cease thou whining wolf.’
Peering closely at grandmamma’s skeletal face, Wolfy growled, ‘How old art thou?’
‘I art the grandmamma of William Shakespeare.’
‘There lies the rub!’ sighed Wolfy.
‘O, thou big bad wolf,’ gurgled Grandmamma, ‘Thou great, great, great….’ She took another swig of wine from the bottle, ‘great… great…’ she again put the bottle to her lips, took another swig, stopped drinking, hiccupped then gurgled, ‘great…great grandmamma gobbled me up.’
Wolfy growled. ‘Revealed wherefrom comes my gluttony of grandmothers.’
‘I shall have my revenge on thee wolf!’ cried Grandmamma between hiccups and belching.
‘Blame thou me not,’ howled Wolfy, ‘That my great, great, great…whatever, grandmamma gobbled thou up.’
‘Thou must die! die! die!’ cried grandmamma drunkenly.
‘Drama queen!’ snarled Wolfy.
William Shakespeare entered the cottage.
Grandmamma waved the now empty bottle of wine and cried between hiccups. ‘Will, Willi, dea r gr grand son, ki - kill thou thi – this b..big – b big big bb ad wolf.’
‘Put in thy eyeballs, thou bag of bones.’ Wolfy snorted. ‘I art not that big, I art a common or garden wolf.’
‘Thou art not common in gardens, wolf!’ reproved Shakespeare. ‘Thou art common in cottages where dwelleth grandmammas.’
Just then, Grandma Annie appeared, her hands resting on the two guns in the pockets of the holster around her hips.
Posturing rudely, Wolfy put his thumb to his nose and waggled his fingers at her.
‘Thou BIG BAD WOLF,’ cried Grandma Annie. ‘Thou hast played all thy parts upon this stage, thou art now exiting!’ She removed the guns from the holster, briskly spun them then fired. There were two short sharp reports that faded on the air.
Wolfy now had his two thumbs to his nose, the fingers of both hands waggling. He sniggered, ‘Hot shot!’
‘William Shakespeare!’ cried Grandma Annie angrily. ‘Why hath thou reneged on me?’
‘O, Grandma Annie,’ pleaded Shakespeare. ’Quell thy rage. I hath wrote this drama as a COMEDY.’
*Anne Hathaway was William Shakespeare’s wife.
(Song: 'Goblin Puck', on website)
STRATFORD UPON AVON
Grandma Annie entered the house wearing her usual ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ gear: A wide brimmed cowboy hat sat on her shoulder length white hair. Her clothing a tunic indented with gleaming silver studs, her trousers tucked into calf-high leather boots. Around her hips a holster with a pocket either side of her hips from which peeped a shiny gun.
Wolfy, the big bad wolf, a.k.a. the grandmother-gobbler from the story, ‘Red Riding Hood,’ followed Grandma Annie into the house.
Shakespeare was sitting at a large desk busily writing with a quill.
‘Hello, William Shakespeare! I’m Grandma Annie and I have a favour to ask of you.’
‘Annie hath a way,’* Shakespeare responded with a twinkle in his eye.
‘Did the story of little Red Riding Hood and the big bad wolf, exist in your time?’
‘Yes! It’s a legendary tale.’
‘Being that I’m a grandmother, I prevail on this wolf to change his spots – his rapacious attitude towards grandmothers.’
Wolfy growled. ‘Yeah! She never stops bugging me.’
Grandma Annie gushed, ‘Oh, William, could you possibly write your version of that tale?’
Shakespeare quoted from his drama, ‘As You Like It.’:
‘All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances:
And one man in his time plays many parts.’
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances:
And one man in his time plays many parts.’
Set: GLOBE THEATRE
Posted up:
‘Little Red Riding Hood’
By
William Shakespeare
By
William Shakespeare
On Stage
Scene: COUNTRY LANE
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping along with a basket held over her arm.
Wolfy, the big bad wolf was darting in and out of the trees bordering the lane stalking the little girl. Catching up with her he simpered. ‘O, thou pretty little maid, to where dost thou journey?’
‘To visit my grandmamma in her cottage yonder.’
‘May I carry thou basket?’
‘O, kind one thou mayest, it hangs heavily on my small arm.’
‘What dost thou carry in thy basket little maid?’
‘A bottle of ruby red wine for my grandmamma’s natal day.’
William Shakespeare arrived on the scene:
He said morosely. ‘Oh, thou little maid of pretty countenance, heed thou not this wolf.’
‘Heed thou not this heeder, sweet child,’ growled Wolfy. ‘I art a noble gentleman.’
Shakespeare snapped, ‘Thou art no noble gentleman!’
‘One WOLF in its time plays many parts.’ Wolfy retaliated grinning.
Set: GRANDMOTHER’S COTTAGE
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage followed by Wolfy.
Grandmother was lying in bed wearing a white floppy mobcap and a white frilly nightdress, her face skeletal.
The little girl greeted her. ‘O, dearest Grandmamma, I bring thou from mama a bottle of ruby red wine to celebrate thou natal day.’
Grandmamma’s skeletal hand grabbed the bottle from Red Riding Hood’s basket and with astonishing strength she pulled the cork from the bottle then put it to her lips and gurgled down the wine non-stop.
‘Hold still thou drinking!’ snarled Wolfy. ‘I relish not the grandmamma that has belly filled with wine.’
She stopped drinking and gurgled. ‘Cease thou whining wolf.’
Peering closely at grandmamma’s skeletal face, Wolfy growled, ‘How old art thou?’
‘I art the grandmamma of William Shakespeare.’
‘There lies the rub!’ sighed Wolfy.
‘O, thou big bad wolf,’ gurgled Grandmamma, ‘Thou great, great, great….’ She took another swig of wine from the bottle, ‘great… great…’ she again put the bottle to her lips, took another swig, stopped drinking, hiccupped then gurgled, ‘great…great grandmamma gobbled me up.’
Wolfy growled. ‘Revealed wherefrom comes my gluttony of grandmothers.’
‘I shall have my revenge on thee wolf!’ cried Grandmamma between hiccups and belching.
‘Blame thou me not,’ howled Wolfy, ‘That my great, great, great…whatever, grandmamma gobbled thou up.’
‘Thou must die! die! die!’ cried grandmamma drunkenly.
‘Drama queen!’ snarled Wolfy.
William Shakespeare entered the cottage.
Grandmamma waved the now empty bottle of wine and cried between hiccups. ‘Will, Willi, dea r gr grand son, ki - kill thou thi – this b..big – b big big bb ad wolf.’
‘Put in thy eyeballs, thou bag of bones.’ Wolfy snorted. ‘I art not that big, I art a common or garden wolf.’
‘Thou art not common in gardens, wolf!’ reproved Shakespeare. ‘Thou art common in cottages where dwelleth grandmammas.’
Just then, Grandma Annie appeared, her hands resting on the two guns in the pockets of the holster around her hips.
Posturing rudely, Wolfy put his thumb to his nose and waggled his fingers at her.
‘Thou BIG BAD WOLF,’ cried Grandma Annie. ‘Thou hast played all thy parts upon this stage, thou art now exiting!’ She removed the guns from the holster, briskly spun them then fired. There were two short sharp reports that faded on the air.
Wolfy now had his two thumbs to his nose, the fingers of both hands waggling. He sniggered, ‘Hot shot!’
‘William Shakespeare!’ cried Grandma Annie angrily. ‘Why hath thou reneged on me?’
‘O, Grandma Annie,’ pleaded Shakespeare. ’Quell thy rage. I hath wrote this drama as a COMEDY.’
*Anne Hathaway was William Shakespeare’s wife.
(Song: 'Goblin Puck', on website)